Mrs. McLauglin's Dictionary, or ''Punish Me, Please"

Our Seventh Grade teacher, Mrs. McLaughlin, had a huge unabridged dictionary that sat on a stand in the middle of the classroom.

A form of punishment she employed was having us copy pages of the dictionary. Rather than serve as a deterrent, it had the opposite effect on me.

I loved all books, but I especially adored dictionaries. And, from my perspective, an unabridged dictionary was Nirvana. You may guess as to why that would be the case. And you would be right.

In the seventh grade, I was always in some kind of trouble. The notes Mrs. McLaughlin wrote on my report card to my parents make for wonderful reading even today. Finally, in exasperation, a conference with my mother was arranged.

My mother was horrified to learn the full extent of my bad behavior. Penalties were discussed. Sentences were handed down. More dictionary copying was among the punishments. They had no idea.

I can not remember if I shared with my classmates all the scatological terms I was discovering or whether I kept them to myself. The etymology of forbidden words fascinated me as well.

Although I learned very little in the seventh grade that year from an institutional standpoint, I did learn the derivation of nearly every profane and vulgar word in that unabridged dictionary. Interesting patterns emerged from these initial forays into what is considered vulgar language. In college, I studied History and was able to put these patterns in an historical context.

Most of us struggle with English grammar. It's not our fault. English has a Latin based structure imposed on a language that is only thirty percent Latin. Most words in English are of Angle/Saxon origin (called early or middle English). That's why there are so many exceptions in English grammar.

This imposition goes back to 1066, the Battle of Hastings and William of Normandy defeating Alfred the Saxon.

William spoke French and imposed this Latin based language on the aristocracy in England. The peasants continued to use Saxon words. From that time forward, a person using the Saxon word to describe something was considered a peasant. The Latin word for peasant or common person, is 'vulgar.'

When it comes to words describing human anatomy to this day the Saxon word is considered 'vulgar' and the Latin word 'proper.' Check it out for yourself. Think of a word describing a body part or a bodily function. Then go to a dictionary, you need one with the etymology, and check it out.

The comedian and social critic George Carlin did a bit on the seven words you can't say on TV. They are all of Saxon origin. Every one of them.

Authority figures impose artificial and arbritary boundaries on us all the time. Thank you, George Carlin, for being one of those brave souls to point it out.

And a special thank you to Mrs. McLaughlin and my seventh grade class. I wouldn't have realized these things without you!