Bite Lower Lip, Spend More Time With The Family, Maybe Shed A Few Tears

What is it with these guys who get caught with their pants down that they think they have to look like old men who can't find their dentures? In press conference after tearful press conference, this is what you see:

Bite that lower lip, dude, till it hurts. Till it bleeds. I guess you have to pay for your sins by looking as stupid as possible. Is that look supposed to show remorse?
And it's not just politicians. Here's a football coach:

Grandpa lose his dentures?
And yet another. Here's a former governor:

That's painful to look at. What, a TV station hired him?! You gotta be kidding!! It has been said that people in California are more laid back. It's true. Here's a former CA Gov. with his soon to be ex:

Did anybody really think that Arny and Maria were anything but a political arrangement? Really? There is a reason that actors become governors. Don't feel sorry for Ms. Shriver, she will get paid quite well for playing her role.
What I want to know is who is the PR person advising these jerks on how to look when they get caught behaving the way politicians and celebrities behave. Does anybody really think they are genuinely remorseful?They are sad but only because they got caught.
But these lip biters have no worries. They can go into Rehab or find Jesus. Maybe both.  Just to be sure. Just to cover all the constituent bases.
In the meantime, our country is involved in military operations in three locations that we know about, our drinking water is almost undrinkable, our air is almost unbreathable, most of us have crappy jobs with crappy benefits and now we are going to lose our social security. It's enough to make you want to bite both lips, ain't it?

Weiner Texting and the Emergence of the American Surveillence State

I don't believe in coinicidences. I believe powerful people create events. I believe powerful people have agendas. I undertsand most of us react to events and leave things to chance. We go with the flow. We let things happen.
A lot of us have reacted to Congressman Weiner's texting scandal. Myself included. But I also believe things happen for a reason. So I pay attention and read everything I can. Sometimes within a week, often times within a day when a scandal breaks, an agenda emerges and we can see clearly the reason for the scandal.
The scandal makes the front page and leads the news, but the agenda story is buried. You have to look for it. In my case, I know it's coming within a week and I have never been disappointed.
Congressman Weiner has been a pervert for a LONG time. The timing of the the release of the scandal is the real question. A question which the media rarely, if ever asks. The media is too busy concentrating on the sensational aspects of the scandal. That's their job, to prepare an environment where the agenda can be carried out with minimal dissent.

It was definitely within a week of the Weiner scandal breaking, maybe even the same day, that the FBI released the details of the new surveillance powers FBI agents will be trained to use. You can read the articles online, the gist is that FBI agents can search without any evidence. That's right, no evidence.
The Weiner texting scandal is designed to get us outraged so we will allow the government to monitor our conversations to prevent 'sexting.' The FBI can now search your databases, your trash, your trashy databases, etc, without there being any evidence that you are linked to any terrorist group. Only the ACLU appears outraged. The rest of us are chuckling over Weiner's weiner.
Remember former NY governor Elliot Spitzer? He also had been a pervert for a LONG time. The timing of the release of the scandal that led to his resignation was interesting. He was about to charge banks in New York with violating several state laws that led to the banking collapse.
Remember the movie Godfather II? The self-righteous US senator who despised the Corleone family? Remember what happened after he got in trouble? I know it's just a movie, but the Godfather movies were a pretty accurate depiction of the way things are.
Most, if not all, politicians and celebrities are perverts. They all have skeletons in their closets (some insist on staying in those closets). They are all vulnerable to blackmail. Especially in a surveillence society where the most powerful people have access to everybody's information.
Yes, I laughed at the jokes about Weiner. But I'm also paying attention. My liberal friends who thought Obama would return the civil liberties and freedoms the Bush administration took away were naive. The Obama administration has continued the trend, accelerated under Bush, of turning this once, great, proud nation into a surveillence state of wimpy tattle-tales and voyeuristic perverts.
Wave your flags, chant your slogans. It's all good.
Stay tuned for the next installment in "Your Government Cares About You and Wants to Keep You Safe."

A Family History - Half-Breeds and Heretics

I come from a long line of Republicans. The Grand Old Party was founded in 1854 with its principal platform opposition to the expansion of slavery. My ancestors, several of whom fought in the Revolution against the British, lived primarily in New England. My great-grandfather, Henry Freeman Barker (pictured above) was born in Naples, Maine in 1850. He moved to Minnesota in 1868, where he practiced law. He was a big supporter of Republican politician James G. Blaine, who was also from Maine.
Blaine led a faction of the GOP known as the Half-Breeds. The Half-Breeds were the moderate wing of the GOP, opposing political patronage and favoring civil service reform and a merit system. Blaine, an early supporter of Abraham Lincoln, opposed the Radical Republican approach to Reconstruction. He favored voting rights for freed slaves and was primarily responsible for the 14th amendment. But he was opposed to military occupation of the South, a position he shared with Lincoln.
Blaine was also primarily responsible for federal laws promoting separation of church and state. This support probably cost him the presidency in 1884, losing narrowly to Grover Cleveland. Though he never said it, the phrase by a minister labeling the Democrats as the party of 'Rum, Romanism and Rebellion' was attributed to him (much the same way Rev. Wright's diatribes were attributed to Obama in 2008).
My great-grandfather was elected to state house and then senate. He named his oldest son, my grandfather, after Blaine. Blaine Barker was elected to various county offices until the backlash against Republicans in the Great Depression ended his political career. He then worked as the Postmaster of Cambridge until he retired.
'Grandpa Blaine,' as we called him, told wonderful stories about Barker family history. He claimed we missed getting on the Mayflower because we overslept. He also claimed our family left England because we were horse thiefs on the lam from the law.
According to Grandpa, the Barkers were run out of Andover, Mass. on a rail in the 1640s because we opposed the Witch Trials. Some Barker women were also accused of being witches. Even way back then, our family was opposed to extremism. I come by this heretical stuff honestly.
Regarding theology, I remember Grandpa's saying that early Christians were Communists. As a Republican and Baptist, I interpreted Grandpa as being opposed to both early Christians and Communists. Today, I'm not so sure. I'd love to be able to talk to him about it. To talk about Half-Breeds and Heretics.
Sadly, he died in 1976 when I was too young to be aware of the full meanings of what he was sharing. I wish he could read my book and we could 'cuss and discuss' it. From one heretic to another.
I don't think my great-grandfather or grandfather would appreciate Michelle Bachmann today. Just a guess.

The Gumbys are in Charge in America

American leaders are a bunch of inbred, idiotic, elitists. That's on a good day. On a bad day, they are inbred arrogant, ignorant elitists.

This past week, we have had the chance to see a couple of American idiots in action. A congressman, by the name of Weiner got caught being a wanker. I expect that kind of behavior from the idiots-in-charge that run this country (more accurately, have run this country into the ground).

If congressman Wanker had admitted his mistake, we might have given him a pass. His family might not have. But then, he probably needs to spend more time with his family.

But no, he denied it. Lied about it. When he got called out, he held a press conference. He choked back tears, he apologized for being a wanker. Arrogant and ignorant.

Too late. You don't go on every news station, deny something, make stuff up and then the next day - whoops, my bad. I was wrong. I lied.

I love history. I understand that not everybody does. That's OK. That's fine. But most people who don't know anything about history don't go around the country making stuff up.
Unless you are an inbred, ignorant elitist. Half-term governor Palin made up some stuff about Paul Revere on her latest "Tour."  Rather than admit she made the stuff up when called on it, she proceeded to make her ignorance painfully clear by insisting that she was right.

Arrogant and ignorant.

We deserve better. But it's the same everywhere. Good decent hard-working people with morons for leaders.
My brain hurts. Brain-dead partisans on the left yell at brain-dead partisans on the right. The Gumby's are in charge. Congressman Anthony Gumby meet governor Sarah Gumby. Choke back tears, spend more time with your families, make stuff up. It's OK, USA! USA! USA!

Got Rapture? May 22 Meet October 22, the Great Disappointment of 1844

As you all know by now, I'm a Heretic. But I'm also pragmatic. Logistics matter to me. Logistics are why I didn't believe in Santa Claus when I was five years old.

The concept of a fat man in a sleigh driven by reindeer landing on my roof, sliding down a tight chimney and delivering presents never made sense. First, we didn't have a chimney. Second, while it might make sense on an individual level, it made no sense on the collective level. There would have to be thousands of Santas to deliver the amount of presents bought in my town alone, much less the country or world.

Logistically, the rapture makes no sense whatsoever. Classifying it as 'religious' does not excuse it for being profoundly wrong.

A preacher in 1844 prophesied the end of the world and the rapture, ala Harold Camping. He picked a date, Oct 22, 1844. People sold everything they had and waited for Jesus to 'come on the clouds and lift them up to heaven.' It didn't happen. It was the called the Great Disappointment (May 22 needs its own moniker, doesn't it?)

If you do the research, you can find hundreds of other 'disappointments' throughout history. Remember Y2K? What amazes me is that anybody pays any attention at all to any prediction of the end of the world. Obsession with the 'end of the world' is psychologically unstable, emotionally unhealthy, spiritually unsound and logistically challenged.

Remember James Watts, Reagan's Secretary of Interior? Google him. Have fun.

The problem with the rapture is conceptual. It's a bad idea. Good people can get caught up in bad ideas and do bad and stupid things.

First, it shows the dangers of basing a theology on one biblical quote, taking it out of context, and then projecting our own emotional and psychological needs on it.

Second, according to one religious group obsessed with the rapture, only 144,000 will be raptured. Since the faithful dead go first, and more than 144,000 faithful have died, why would anyone join this group? All the slots are filled.

The debate over the rapture is a ridiculous waste of time. Please observe that Christian leaders did not say that Harold Camping was wrong about the rapture, they just said he got the date wrong. This is because the kind of Christianity that became dominant in the west after the ninth century is psychologically unstable (see Mel Gibson), emotionally unhealthy, and spiritually unsound.

There are many Christianities. The type that we pick and choose says more about us than it does God or Jesus. Not all Christianities are psychologically unstable, emotionally unhealthy and spiritually unsound. But the kind that is obsessed with the rapture is.

Next: Christianity has nothing to do with Jesus. Really. Check it out.

Harmon Killebrew Died Today

Harmon Killebrew died today. He was 74. He was a professional baseball player from 1954 to 1975. He hit 573 home runs. He started out playing for the Washington Senators. The Senators moved to Minnesota in 1961. Harmon played for the Twins until 1974.
Instead of retiring when the Twins management thought he should, he played one more year for the Kansas City Royals. As a kid collecting baseball cards and playing Strat-O-Matic baseball, I kept Harmon on the Twins. It didn't matter that he batted .199 that year, he still hit 14 home runs in 369 at bats.
Like a lot of Twins fans, I loved Harmon Killebrew. Even though he was born in Idaho, he embodied many things Minnesotan. He was humble. He was a team player. And he could hit a baseball farther than anyone.
My first baseball memories were in 1965 when the Twins played the Dodgers in the World Series. Sadly, we had just moved from Minnesota to Virginia and I didn't get to go to any of the games. But my grandfather went. He showed me the programs later.
The Twins lost to the Dodgers in seven games, as they couldn't hit Sandy Koufax or Don Drysdale (well, Harmon did). I remember I was a teenager in Virginia and listened to the game on the radio when Harmon hit home run number 500 against Mike Cuellar of the Baltimore Orioles in 1971. Back then, the Orioles were a great team, they beat the Twins in 1969 and 1970 in the American League Championship series.
Harmon never did win a World Series. But he won the hearts and minds of Twins fans forever. He was the heart and soul of the team. The following quote from umpire Ron Luciano summed up what people who played with him thought about him:
"He was one of the most feared sluggers in baseball history, but he was also one of the nicest people to play the game. He was one of the few players who would go out of his way to compliment umpires on a good job, even if their calls went against him."
In an era before steroids and rampant drug use, Killebrew had some remarkable seasons. Here's the stat line on his 1969 MVP season:
Played in 162 games, 109 runs scored, 49 home runs, 140 rbi's, 145 walks and struck out only 84 times. For those who love stats, his OPS was 1.011 (on base percentage plus slugging percentage)
Harmon Killebrew will be missed. He was a Hall of Fame player and world-class human being. A role model for many. He was for me. Thanks, Harmon. For all the memories. For everything.

Wassup Bin Laden? Random Thoughts on Osama/Obama

RANDOM THOUGHT #1

Apparently, George Washington slept a lot. When he wasn't running away from the British. New Jersey is full of places where George Washington slept. One of them is outside of Morristown. In a park. Well, it's a park now.

In 1999, when Dad and I visited Morristown to check out Drew Seminary in nearby Madison (yes, Drew University is on Madison Avenue) we went to this park. The locals said on a clear day you could see the tops of the Twin Towers. It was a clear, windy day. We saw the tops of the Twin Towers. It was impressive.

RANDOM THOUGHT #2

I have enjoyed listening to conservatives twist themselves into pretzels over Obama being president when Osama got whacked. Just a reminder that partisans don't make very good Americans.

RANDOM THOUGHT #3

I have enjoyed listening to liberals sound like a bunch of jingoistic thugs. Killed the bastard, yeah! Just a reminder that partisans don't make very good Americans.

RANDOM THOUGHT #4

The Sunday after the Twin Towers went down I was scheduled to preach a sermon as a guest preacher at a small congregation in upstate New York. The minister there, a good friend of mine, thought it best that we cancel our regularly scheduled program and deal with what just happened. He invited me to do the New Testament reading.

I read Matthew 5:43-48. Nobody shook my hand after the service. Nobody even looked at me as they filed out. Just a reminder that when push comes to shove, religious people can abandon core principles in a heartbeat.

RANDOM THOUGHT #5

I don't think there's any truth to the rumor that it was Dick Cheney that shot Bin Laden in the face. That's not fair. It's well known that Dick Cheney only shoots FRIENDS in the face.

RANDOM THOUGHT #6

There may be some truth to the rumor that former Navy SEAL Jesse Ventura shot Bin Laden in the face. I met Jesse Ventura at a book signing last month. He still looks like he could kill people. With his bare hands.

RANDOM THOUGHT #7

Secular rulers and religious extremists are often allies. The Saudi Royal family probably funded Osama Bin Laden. The Saudi Royal family probably ordered the attacks of 9/11. Most of the those alleged to have hijacked the planes on 9/11 were Saudis.

RANDOM THOUGHT #8

Since the oil crisis in the 1970s, our government has taken orders from the Saudis.When our leaders meet their leaders, it is apparent who is giving orders and who is taking orders.

RANDOM THOUGHT #9
The Israeli intelligence service knew about the 9/11 attacks beforehand. They were there to film it as it happened. This was widely published in Israeli newspapers. Not so much in American newspapers.

RANDOM THOUGHT #10

Offered as evidence that the American government takes orders from the Saudis, the Bin Laden family was picked up in various locations throughout the country and flown to safety while air traffic was shut down across the country.

RANDOM THOUGHT #11

I don't think President Bush knew about the attacks beforehand.

RANDOM THOUGHT #12

I remember in 2001 Jesse Ventura saying we needed to send a SEAL or Ranger team in and whack Osama.

RANDOM THOUGHT #13

I remember a seminary professor telling me on 9/12 that he was worried the Bush administration would take advantage of the situation and do away with a lot of our civil rights and civil liberties.

RANDOM THOUGHT #14

It makes sense that the U.S. invaded Iraq because the Saudis wanted Hussein out of the way. The reasons the U.S. government gave the American people never made any sense.

RANDOM THOUGHT #15

The American people have acted like brain-dead zombies the past 10 years. Maybe now with Osama Bin Laden out of the way, we can regain our composure and realize how badly our government has screwed us over the last 10 years.

RANDOM THOUGHT #16

Speaking of zombies, 'Zombieland' is a really good movie. Any movie where one of the heroes gets a Twinkie at the end rocks. Bill Murray is awesome in his cameo as well.