In high school, one of the highlights of lunch would be if someone got tickled enough to snort milk through their nose. It took skill to get someone to snort milk.
Good timing and a good joke were the main, but not only, ingredients. There also had to be an audience. If you were aware someone was going for a 'snort' you tended to be careful about how you drank your milk. Surprise was crucial.
We didn't keep score, so I don't know who was the best at Blacksburg High School. I think I got my share, though.
Today at the grocery store, I realized I still had what it takes to produce a 'milk snort.' The cashier was a young bloke whose name tag said 'Dylan.'
"You got named after Dylan?" I asked innocently.
"Yeah."
"Dylan Thomas?"
"Nah."
"Bob Dylan?"
"Nope."
"Well," I surrendered, "that shows how little I know!"
Slight giggle from Dylan.
"My Mom named us after whatever TV show she was watching a lot while she was pregnant with us," he offered.
"There was a Dylan TV show?"
Bigger giggle.
"Nah. 'That 70s Show' had a character named Dylan."
"I did not know that," I answered in my best impersonation of Walter Sobchak in the 'Big Lebowski.'
Another giggle.
After guessing that many of these TV shows were from the 1990s, I paid my bill and waited for the cashier to lift his drink to his lips and take a sip.
"So, you have a sister named 'X-Files?"
That did it! He snorted his drink! It wasn't milk, but then nobody drinks milk anymore. But, it still counted.
"Have a better one Dylan," I said as I pushed my cart toward the doors.
After all these years, I've still got what it takes. Cheers and beers all around.
